The day you hurt me
by Krummbein1
Summary: Puck knew that she wasn't perfect, knew that Finn would probably always be an issue. He'd just never thought that she would betray him like that. NOW Multi-chapter-story. Puckleberry/Finchel
1. The day you hurt me

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own Glee. Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy and the Fox Broadcasting Company. This story is for entertainment purposes only.

**Summary: (short)**

Puck knew that she wasn't perfect, knew that Finn would probably always be an issue. He'd just never thought that she would betray him like that.

Puckleberry? Finchel? Both?

**Warnings:**

No real warnings. Just that it's kinda tragic. At least in the beginning.

**Reviews:**

Always welcome! I'd love to know what you think!

**Little note:**

This is a story that's been hanging around on my laptop for quite a while now. I'd planed a long story with it at first, a story that started with this and was then told backwards. But that just didn't work out for me. So... this is it, for now. I might continue it in the future, but not backwards, but forwards. Depends on my muse and the time I have at hand.

Also: This story kinda starts right in the middle of something we (or rather YOU) don't know anything about, but rest assured that the background - the things that led up to this - will be explained in later chapters. I just liked the idea of starting this story off with a "bang", so to speak...

* * *

><p><strong>When you betrayed me.<strong>

It was somewhat odd how fast his emotions could spiral downward. He had been in such a good mood only minutes, no - seconds - before he'd caught sight of them. After all, it was Friday, school was out and he had a nice, long weekend ahead of him. And the best thing was that his mom and sister wouldn't even be home since they were planning on visiting some relatives he hadn't known they had, in a town he hadn't known existed.

His mood was so beyond good that he didn't even need to tease any of his go-to-nerds. He was even whistling one of the songs they'd been rehearsing in Glee club that week as he walked down the hallway to his locker - and he wasn't the kind of guy who used whistling lightly. He just had to lock in his books and everything else that could prevent him from having a fun weekend, and then he would be free to do whatever he could think of - and wouldn't use up too much of his secret money stash. Though he wasn't really sure yet what he was going to do with that freedom, his mind already wandered to her… and a soft smile rushed over his lips when he thought about the last time he'd seen her… well, maybe not the last time he'd seen her at school, but the last time they had been alone, the last time they'd kissed, the last time he'd felt her soft lips on his. It had only been a few days and he already missed being with her. Not that he'd ever admit that to anyone, least of all her, but he couldn't shut up that tiny little voice in his head that constantly told him that it was okay, that it wasn't wrong to feel that way about her.

And he knew it was telling the truth. But he still wouldn't listen to it. He'd already let more of his guard down than he'd ever intended to, and he wasn't going to let her take away the rest of it. The last time he'd allowed himself to be vulnerable, Quinn had taken his baby away, had given his little Beth away… and that had hurt more than he would ever let her know.

But then again… she _wasn't _Quinn. She was different. Very different. And he'd never thought that he even _could _fall for her… at least not for real. And _this_ felt alarmingly real. Far too real. But still, even thinking about her made him smile. And not that cocky, self-confident smile he always showed to please the crowd… No. A genuine smile that spread over his entire face and found its way into his eyes.

He finally reached his locker and caught himself already aligning the words in his head that would surely convince her to spend the weekend at his house. And for some unexplainable reason he didn't have any ulterior motives… which surprised him even more than the fact that he could actually stand being alone with her for more than five minutes without having a mental breakdown. Though she was still able to get him close to that cliff… she just couldn't throw him over anymore. He'd gotten used to her sometimes a bit self-centered ramblings that mostly revolved around her future career on Broadway or how she would surely lead the Glee club to victory. He had learned not to listen to that part of their conversations, and instead would just smile at her until she got irritated and lost track of what she was going to say. She would give him a stern look, but would always fail to keep it up. And when she would start laughing because he was acting so silly, his smile would just grow even brighter.

Puck slammed the locker door shut, having made a decision. He didn't want to text her, or wait until he reached her on her phone. He wanted to ask her right away, in person, which was something else that still surprised him about himself.

He turned around and took the longer way to the exit, the one that would lead him past her locker and would give him the opportunity to „accidentally" bump into her and ask her to come over to his house. The school was almost empty by now, and while he wondered how long he'd been daydreaming for that to happen, his feet kept bringing him closer to her. Normally, he would be the first guy out of this building after the last ring of the bell, just not today, and he hoped that she was still there, too.

It was strangely silent in the halls, only a few giggles and last-minute date proposals drowned out his footsteps every now and then. Still, it felt somehow wrong for it too be so quiet, as if this place wasn't even supposed to exist without the thousands of voices filling its hallways.

Puck slowed down when he heard someone talking around the next corner.

"You look… ehm… nice…", Finn said. "I mean… like… you know…"

A smile spread on Puck's face at Finn's unskilled attempt to ask a girl out on a date. At least that's what he imagined him doing at that moment. Trying to get the right words out.

"I'm glad you stayed… considering that you're kinda seeing someone, I mean."

Now… that was something new. Finn trying to hit on a girl that wasn't available. Normally that would be Puck's job. At least in the good old days. And after what happened with Quinn, Puck had never thought Finn would do something like that, considering how hurt he'd been after he'd found out that Quinn had cheated on him with Puck.

"So… have you told him, yet? I mean, you said you would, and… I kinda feel bad because… I think he really cares for you, you know?"

Whoever Finn was talking to, didn't answer. But that didn't prevent that sickening feeling to crawl up in Puck's stomach, like snakes squirming through his insides, turning everything upside-down.

"But no matter how bad I feel, I just want to be with you… you know?"

"I know…" Her voice was soft, letting the words float in the air, as harmless as a light summer breeze. But that same summer breeze made his heart miss a few beats. He hadn't even noticed that he'd stopped dead in his tracks, that he was standing right behind the corner, listening, eavesdropping. He didn't want to, knew that if he would turn around now he could still pretend that this didn't mean what he thought it meant, pretend that even though Finn seemed to still have feelings for her, she didn't.

But he just couldn't bring his feet to move away, to make his ears stop listening, even though he knew that nothing good could come from what he was about to hear.

"I still love you… Rachel."

An uncomfortable silence followed, only interrupted by a slamming locker door and the faraway giggling. Puck didn't even realize that he was holding his breath as he was waiting for her answer. And even though it probably took her only a few seconds, for him it seemed like a lifetime. And then he heard the words he never wanted to hear her say… at least not to anyone but him.

"I love you, too…"

His heart skipped another beat.

"But…"

Puck closed his eyes, hoping, desperately hoping that this one word would mean that she wasn't going to leave him.

"…but we can't do this until I've talked to him. It just wouldn't be fair…"

It felt as if someone had pulled the rug out from under him. A giant black hole opened up where his stomach was supposed to be, pulling at everything in its reach, threatening to turn his insides out. He couldn't hear Finn's reply or their goodbye-kiss, couldn't hear the footsteps walking away. All he heard was the absence of his heartbeat and her words creeping through his ears like a ghostly echo of something that couldn't possibly be real.

And then his feet started moving, something in the back of his mind telling him that this wasn't real until he saw her with his own eyes.

He took the last few steps around the corner, and there she was, leaning against her locker, staring after Finn whose tall figure was just disappearing on the other end of the hallway. A moment later she turned around, a broad smile on her face, telling the world that she was more happy than she'd been in a long time. And then she caught sight of him, of the hurt expression on his face. The smile slipped from her lips, disappeared from her eyes, only to be replaced by something else, something he couldn't quite grasp in that moment. But then, as he stood there, staring at her while the color drained from her face, he slowly realized what it was: shame.

That was the moment when it finally hit him, when their words finally reached his mind, when their meaning finally caught up with the feeling of hurt an betrayal they had caused.

Without knowing what he was doing, he turned around and walked away. He had to fight the urge to run, every fiber in his body screaming for him to get away, not to give her the chance to reach him. Everything she'd told him had been a lie. None of it had been real.

The cold, rain drenched air was wetting his skin before he even knew that he was outside.

"Noah… wait!" She was yelling after him, her voice barely making itself audible over the rain. "Please, let me explain!"

He stopped dead in his tracks and abruptly turned around. "What's there to explain?", he asked when she caught up with him. "You love him, not me. So, we're done!"

She flinched with each of his words, as if they were physically hurting her. But he didn't care. It was _her _fault after all.

"But that doesn't mean that I don't care about you anymore. I-"

"Don't try to talk yourself out of this. You used me to get him back… that was your plan all along, wasn't it…" The words stumbled out of his mouth before he could even think about saying them.

"No… you don't understand. It was an accident… I didn't mean-"

"An accident? Is that what we're calling it these days?"

"I _didn't mean _for it to happen. It just did…" Desperation filled her voice, urging him to listen to her.

"You just don't get it, do you?" He didn't care that he was yelling at her, didn't care that she flinched at the amount of rage rushing over his face… that she seemed almost scared of him. In that moment she didn't deserve any better.

"I'm sorry… Noah, please, I'm sorry…" She was pleading with him, and if he'd stopped for a second he might even have seen that she really meant it.

"You DON'T get to apologize to me… I don't wanna hear _anything_ you gotta say." His voice was shaking with anger.

"But I-"

"I DON'T CARE!" It was a last outburst, a last attempt to make her shut up, the last bit of strength he had left. And when he opened his mouth once again, his voice sounded tired. Defeated. "I just don't care anymore…"

The rain was hanging between them like a thick, impenetrable wall, and a deep silence was floating over them like the black clouds that were covering the sky, the only sound the water hitting the asphalt. His clothes were clinging uncomfortably to his skin and he was freezing, the soaked sweatshirt no longer able to keep him warm. Goosebumps were covering his arms as the first cold shivers ran down his back. But he didn't even notice… he just stared into her eyes, trying to find a reason… trying to understand why a person would do something like that.

"You used me." Hurt was the only emotion left in his voice. "I trusted you… and you used me."

She just stood there, not able to find a response, not able to even think of anything to say.

"I mean… I should've known… no… I _knew _that you were a manipulative little-" He had to stop himself, had to close his eyes to fight the urge to utter the word that was lying so seductively on the tip of his tongue. But he swallowed it down before he got himself to look at her again. "You see, I knew that… but… I gave you the benefit of the doubt, because I actually thought that you'd changed. If not for anyone else, then at least for me…"

Rachel opened her mouth, her lips forming the words no one would ever hear, as the tears joined the rain on her face. Her voice was gone, failing her for the first time in her entire life.

He stared at her face, the last hints of rage leaving his body, dripping onto the asphalt like the silent tears leaving her skin.

"Did all of this… us… mean nothing to you?" The words were but a whisper, hardly audible over the pouring rain. And still, she could hear them as clear as a bell ringing in her head, could feel the despair cutting through her skin like a sharp knife, draining her of every feeling but the guilt.

She wanted to say something, to defend herself, to tell him that she'd never meant to hurt him, that she had never planed for any of it to happen, but then she knew that it would be a lie. At least the last part of it…she just couldn't deny that she _had _been using him. For one reason and one reason only: to get Finn back.

He slowly leaned toward her, his face coming so close that she almost took a step back. But she stayed where she were, feeling the cold radiating from his pale skin, feeling the warmth of his breath on her face.

"Goodbye, Rachel." His voice was calm, too calm. Almost dead.

His lips left a kiss on her cheek, the pain of that faint touch almost unbearable.

He turned away from her before she could notice the tears in his eyes. He pulled his shoulders up, trying to shield himself from the cold, to fight off the shivers running over his skin as the rain soaked through his sweater. His eyes wandered over the grey, wet asphalt as he took the first steps away from her. He could still hear her voice, her repeated pleas, the words "I'm sorry" losing a little bit more of their menaing each time they reached his ears, until they didn't mean anything anymore. Just words she needed him to hear. Words he would never listen to. Not from her. Never again.

He didn't look where he was going, didn't _care _where he was going. He just had to get away from her. He put one foot in front of the other, hoping to get somewhere. Anywhere. And with every step he took he felt some kind of relief, a faint feeling of ease crawling up on him.

A sudden movement caught his eyes and for a second he thought he could hear a faint noise trying to fight its way over the rushing sound of the rain… and something else. Her voice. And even though he couldn't hear her words, he could feel the fear and panic surrounding them, those two most terrifying emotions piercing through his skin, clawing at the edge of his mind. Before he could even think about doing it, his head snapped up, his eyes finally breaking the contact with the dark asphalt as he turned to his left.

He could feel his heart stop, his whole body stiffen. He became the scared deer, not able to move a muscle as he drowned in the light of the oncoming headlights. For one fleeting moment he thought that it was going to be okay. But it took only a mere fraction of a second for that thought to be shattered into a million pieces, and before his mind could even rush to the conclusion of what was about to happen, the impact took him off his feet.

He didn't hear the sickening sound of his body hitting the car, of the windshield cracking under his weight… or the sound of breaking bones as he hit the unforgiving asphalt.

And he never heard her scream. A scream that seemed to tear the very fabric of the air, as if she were dying a hundred deaths in that instant.


	2. I am losing

**I am losing.**

In movies, things like this always seemed to happen in slow motion, a single fracture of a moment stretched to a point where time was almost torn apart.

Reality though…

Reality was different. Reality was kind. At least in the beginning, letting the horrors play out as soon as they occurred, concealing the details in the back of her head where they would lie in wait for the perfect moment to crawl up on her again, for the moment when she would fall asleep and give away control.

The nightmare would find her then.

But for now, her eyes couldn't see. For now, she was blind. And she wished she'd been deaf, too, for she heard everything. The sound of crushing metal. The cracking glass of the windshield. That sickening thud of his body hitting the asphalt. And her own voice screaming at the top of her lungs, a hoarse, shrieking sound in the back of her throat.

And then everything fell silent, except for the rain, the water hitting the asphalt, big drops filling the puddles at her feet. And she just stood there, staring at the result of things she hadn't even seen.

All thought left her mind and for one swift and curious moment she felt calm and quiet. Until the first notion of uneasiness crept back into her head, telling her that this wasn't right, that her emotions were trying to trick her, giving her a false impression of a kind of safety that she would probably never feel again.

Seemingly from nowhere the realization appeared in her mind, giving her barely enough time to even hold another thought as she started towards the street. She didn't even know what she was doing as she ran through the rain, the cold water painfully hitting her face as she tried to get closer. But as the distance between her and the motionless figure on the ground grew smaller, her feet slowed down, as if her path were suddenly blocked by an invisible shield that made it harder and harder for her to take another step.

Rachel came to a sudden halt at the edge of the sidewalk. For some reason she wasn't able to cross that last threshold, not wanting to set foot into the nightmare lying within her reach.

She didn't notice the partially wrecked car standing in the middle of the road, or the tall figure screaming into the phone. Even the rain had become a faint memory in the back of her head as her gaze wandered over the dark, wet concrete, following the little cracks and bumps in the road, unconsciously making a detour on the way to the one thing she didn't want to see. Everything seemed to dissolve in the tears filling her eyes, reality just swam away from her. She tried to focus, to force herself to look at the person lying in front of her so that she might see that it wasn't real, so that she could wipe away the fear slowly crawling over her skin, because she knew that it was a mistake, that her mind was just trying to trick her, to punish her for what she had done. It was her last hope. A last, fragile straw. But she held on too tight, that small flicker of hope falling into ruin as her eyes finally reached him.

His pale face stood out against the dark concrete, his skin almost as white as snow. He wasn't moving. Wasn't moving at all. But the thought that he could be dying, that he could already be dead, never crossed her mind. The only thing she could think of were his wet clothes, how cold it was, and that he would surely freeze to death if she didn't get him somewhere warm.

Rachel didn't even notice that her feet had started to walk again, leading her into another world, another reality, and she suddenly found herself kneeing beside him, not knowing how she'd gotten there. As if lead by an absurd instinct, she unzipped her wet jacket and took it off, her shaking hands carefully draping it over his body.

_He's just sleeping. _

The tall figure next to her had stopped yelling at the phone, and for a swift moment she thought that he was talking to her. But his voice was drowned out by her thoughts.

_He's just sleeping._

A song filled her head with unheard words, the soft melody calmly floating through her mind.

_Hush little baby don't say a word, mommy's gonna buy you a mocking bird, and if that mocking bird won't sing, mommy's gonna buy you a diamond ring…_

Without even realizing it, she'd opened her mouth and started singing, her voice shaking with every word, the tears soaking the air leaving her mouth.

_He's just sleeping._

"And if that diamond ring turns brass, mommy's gonna buy you a looking glass… and…" She hesitated. "…and… and…" She searched for the next words, but they wouldn't come. She couldn't understand it, couldn't grasp the importance those words had for her. She just knew that, without them, she would have to face the reality lying in front of her.

_He's just sleeping._

Her hand reached for his face, her fingers brushing his cold skin, but the words still wouldn't come. Instead she felt something wet on her fingers that had nothing to do with the rain. Something that just didn't seem to fit in with the reality she had built up in her head. She stared down at her hand, the bright red color of his blood burning in her eyes.

And within the blink of an eye the whole world collapsed under her.

_He's just -_

But she couldn't finish that thought this time, knew that it just wasn't true… never had been. All the fear and panic she'd held bottled up to this moment came crushing down, an unforgiving wave drowning her in emotions. She felt as if someone was holding her head under water. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't feel. All that was left was the knowledge, the certainty that she was going to suffocate from the pain.

A soft voice was floating to her ears, scrambled up words making their way into her mind, words that were no longer making any sense to her, until she realized that they were her own.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" It was merely a whisper, not audible to anyone but her. And the words themselves hurt her more than she could ever try to explain. But still, she needed him to hear them, needed him to understand… to listen to her… to forgive her for what she had done.

"I'm sorry… Noah, please… I'm sorry…"

She flinched when she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. New, unheard words were mixed up with her own, another voice disturbing her pleas for forgiveness.

Slowly, she turned her head, and a worried face suddenly appeared in her visual field. But she didn't really look at the man before her gaze fell back on Puck.

Another hand.

But she still didn't care. It just didn't matter, had nothing to do with the two of them. Nothing mattered anymore.

Until someone - the hands - were trying to pull her away from him.

"No… don't…" She tried to fight it off, tried to get out of the tight grip on her shoulders. "Please, I need to stay with him…" Her words went unnoticed as two more people rushed past her, kneeing down beside him, taking her place at his side. "PLEASE… he needs me…"

She struggled. Hard. But the hands still wouldn't let go.

Her legs started to quiver, and a moment later her knees gave out under her. The hands prevented her from falling, held her up for another moment before they gently put her down.

Blue and red lights were flashing through the growing darkness like a colorful lightening storm. Different voices filled the air, someone yelled something, but it just didn't make any sense to her. She just sat on the wet concrete, completely still, while everything else rushed past her. And as her eyes reached his face again, the world just disappeared, melted into the background of her mind. The people moving around her became a blur of movements, the voices joining into a silent humming noise that barely even reached her ears. The only thing that mattered was him…

And then he was gone. Had disappeared right in front of her eyes, the lights leaving with him, leaving her behind.

Slowly, she got back to her feet, as if arising from a long sleep. The numbness dripped from her body like the water from her clothes, and she suddenly realized, that she had stopped crying. All that was left was the rain. Washing away his blood… washing away the memories.

At least for a moment.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note:<strong>

Alright... so this actually is going to be a longer story. (It just unravelled in my mind before I even had a chance to stop it.) I changed the story contents a bit, because the romance part of this story will get important somewhere along the way. But please be kind, because writing romance is kinda new for me... or rather: is going to be new for me, since there hasn't been any so far.

And here's another thing: I've got exams coming up, so until the semester is over I probably won't be able to post more than a chapter a week. Hope you'll still read it, though!

And thanks to all who've left reviews! THANK YOU!


End file.
